Golf

[UIZ733]

I have recently completed work on my latest book on golf.
This book on golf gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider
information that I have gained through my 40+ years of experience
Highlights include:
Chapter 1); How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2); How to Hit a Maxfli ball from the Rough When You Just Hit
a Titleist from the Tee
Chapter 3); How to Get More Distance off the Shank
Chapter 4); When to Give the Curator the Finger
Chapter 5); Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 am
Chapter 6); How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the
Water
Chapter 7); How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
Chapter 8 ); How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee
Chapter 9); When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

The book also includes the latest GOLFING TERMS;
A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
A Diego Maradona - a very nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
A Kate Winslett - a bit flat but otherwise perfect
A Kate Moss - bit thin
A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
A Rodney King - over-clubbed
An O J Simpson - got away with it
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it
seems
An elephant's arse - high and Shitty
A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
A circus tent - a BIG top
A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't be
I have copies in stock but I anticipate a rush so be quick and ensure
you don't miss out!
Please pass this information to anyone who you feel may benefit from
my expertise!!

[Isuzumu]

Good one  if anyone thinks that putting up a camper in the rain or getting out of a bog is a pain, go have a bad game of golf,  :'( and this is suppose to be my relaxation. 

[dooguss]

nice work  i know a few blokes that should use some of those terms out on the course

[Isuzumu]

nice work  i know a few blokes that should use some of those terms out on the course

Hi Greg, mate put 3 in the drink on one hole Wednesday, gee glad I am a God loving person   

[dooguss]

mate im amazed that the clubs werent the next thing in the water, thats golf just takes that 1 bad shot or 1 bad hole and you just want to pick up your club and ball and go home. :'(

[Isuzumu]

Thanks mate, hey you guys have a great trip tp the Cape, got to have a get together before Christmas.

[MDS69]

How true is ALL of that
Special mention to the Rodney King and Adolf Hitler

[Tjupurula]

I have only ever played golf once, and I believe that three of the clubs are still in the lake at Kununurra.  As a golf player I should have stuck with solitaire on the computer.
Tjupurula

[tagman]

Very addictive game, for me is golf.
Try and play at least one game every week - can get a little expensive in fees but!
Average course for social play play costs $50 +
Still better than working..

[dooguss]

Tagman I joined a social club and costs me $30 a game at the course selected by the club and we play every Sunday, cheapest way to play in the big smoke. Not compulsory either turn up whenever you like.

[Bill]

I do love Golf but I' am absolute crap at it.
The first step for me towards enjoying golf was to admit I was crap at it and I was NEVER going to get any better at it 
It is just an expensive walk around a really nice manicures paddock for me...
Bill and Morag

[speewa158]

Played badly for 9 years . Hit the flag off the tee once ,lost more gear than l could replace , hit a hole in 1 once . Then wised up & decided ti do something more important with my life 

[HEM19X]

I play golf because IT RELAXES ME

[brickiematt]

That's GOLD
Reckon i could skip chapter 2 tho, i've already read it
I do love my golf, but remember, it's just FLOG spelt backwards!

[HEM19X]

And the best thing about golf is....

It's a lot like sex...you don't have to be good at it to enjoy yourself!!!

[UIZ733]

I think there should be one more added to the list at least;
A Tiger Woods - ...............
Open to the floor!